What is safe to do during sex? What is not? For example, is “traditional” sex safer than kinky?

This post is part of the series “Dare to ask”, if you want to ask something about this theme, you can leave a comment or write me an e-mail. We can talk about your questions more extensively also in therapy or counselling.

Once you’ve made sure you’re having sex “healthily,” meaning that you are protecting yourself and protecting your partner from sexually transmitted diseases, violence, and unnecessary pain (use a lubricant!) and taking care of contraception (in case you don’t want offspring), then the definition of safety depends largely on your self-awareness.

Self-knowledge in sex means knowing your limits, needs, and desires. Most important of all is that you accept yourself as you are right now and positively acknowledge your sexuality.

Good and positive self-knowledge is not necessarily easily or quickly achievable for everyone. Sexuality is a multidimensional system that evolves and takes shape over the course of our entire life, which is why our journey toward self-knowledge is a work in progress.

However, one thing is certain: learning to know your own sexuality lets you enjoy sex more and be able to ignore shame!

You could now think where to start this journey? Here are some questions to help you start thinking about your own relationship to sex and sexuality:

  • How do I see myself?
  • How do I consider my body?
  • What do I like, what am I attracted to physically/romantically?
  • What arouses me, what do I think about sexuality?
  • What does sex mean to me?
  • What role does it play in my life?
  • How does it feel to think about sex?
  • How does it feel to talk about it?

REMEMBER:

LEARN TO SAY NO! IDENTIFY AND SET YOUR OWN LIMITS.

PROTECT YOURSELF AND PROTECT YOUR PARTNER/S FROM SEX DISEASES / UNNECESSARY PAIN AND VIOLENCE.

TAKE TIME TO GET TO KNOW YOUR OWN BODY AND YOUR PREFERENCES.

DON’T FORCE YOURSELF NEITHER ANYONE ELSE.

TALK WITH YOUR PARTNER/S ABOUT YOUR WISHES AND DESIRES.

DARE TO BE CURIOUS!